Disambiguation of "you know what i mean…"

I was working in the kitchen the other day, the TV showing the demonstration about prop 8 being upheld by the Supreme Court while honoring the same-sex marriages. With the Latina housekeeper in presents, it didn’t take long for me to be confronted yet again with harsh racism.

Over the years I have come to accept that my mom is never going to understand the dilemma about the violation of my basic rights, unable to be equally partnered with anyone of my choice, be it a woman or a man. Mom simply finds the ‘choice’ of being gay unusual. She has come around over the years and asks me for advice, like: ”…would you vote for that Schwarzenegger…” or “… I did voted for Obama, in a last moment decision; was that right? …you know – he spoke nicely on TV and seems to be smart…”
You know! As if to affirm that a black guy is not always smart… but this one is.

Not to know you are a racist makes no difference to the fact you are a hateful bigotrist. (Not you, mom…) I have long encouraged education when confronted with lack of understanding and seemingly with lack of compassion for basic rights. I get it, you did not know… but still, the way you speak is painful, stupid and ignorant. It’s those people I fear the most, especially when they assure their idiocratic viewpoints by combining it with the “…you know what I mean…” They have it all thought out and give two minutes of their thinking power to understand the topic that is my very existing amongst their narrow mindedness. Assumptions are like lies; they’re rarely justified.

Now, after I vented, I can get back to the point.

Simply, people get married in the United States so they have specific partner rights: including community property protections, control over funeral arrangements of a spouse and an obligation to pay child support. The legal conundrum is becoming personal when opponents argue that the constitution clearly defines a marriage between a woman and a man. That is the same constitution that defines black people as 3/5 human. We did however change that in 1964…

The fact that a married couple supposed to get united to raise a family is a lousy argument; 1/4 of all married couples have no children; even chosen not to have any. 1/3 of all married people get divorced, although they sworn in the present of God to stay together… My mom included.

See, I am against calling it gay-marriage and wished all along it could have been presented on the ballot as ‘equal rights amendment’. It is that very wording of the constitution that is being shielded against the basic rights as a 100% gay human being, living in the USA, to partner up as any other happy, odd, old-young, multiple-married and even Vegas couples when they took the oath that gives them rights that are reserved to ’straights’ only. Miss-behaviors are all acceptable, just not two of the same; you know – gays! Polygamy, jail weddings, arranged weddings… all okay.

When explaining to the housekeeper that the court decision is a huge insult to basic rights for gay, lesbian and transgender human beings, she asked; “I get it, it’s because they wanna have a ceremony?”


“Oh, I see, it’s because they want to adopt children?”

Well, that is partially a right that would be available; still, considering the hurdle of bypassing the ignorant notion that all gay men are also child abusers… Yes, tons of children could grow up in fabulous households!

“It’s about money, is it?”


“But you see, marriage is really something between a woman and a man. You know what I mean?”

No, I don’t. Clearly the idea of gays dressed up and running to the church is making a few religious extremists nervous and yes, I find some behavior on both ends insensitive. But heck, lets not ‘drag’ religion into the hate-brew (refrence to anyone in a dress…). It’s in nobodies business what their nuptial preferences are. I’m fighting on the gay side for a Constitutional right. Only in 1967 that the miscegenation law Loving v Virginia was overturned. That’s my parents generation! Clearly the stronghold of prop 8 are old folks and religious fanatics. Sadly, lots of foreign speaking new US citizens and lesser educated peers that voted on ambiguously titled ballots, added to the confusion.

Yes, I am a racist when it comes to lack of education. For all we have available in this flourishing Nation, Jay Leno’s attests of the stupidity of some of it’s people is a gruesome reality; the very problem I blame for this anti gay marriage hate.

Anyone should simply have the right for unity, to benefit each other in happiness and sadness. As it stands, some cannot visit their lover in the hospital, even if they’d lived thirty years together. Same sex couples cannot guarantee that the other half inherits their will, for such a lover is merely a strange gay man/woman living in the same space. (Yes, an engaged woman can visit her husband to be and even legally inherit him…) Minorities cannot receive medical care; even so their partner works for a firm that guarantees equal benefits for their spouses (non-married too). A loving same sex couple may raise a child as a legal guardian, but if something happens to the one parent on the paperwork of the adoption certificate; the other has no legal status to parent his child. It’s that homosexual word that gets some really steaming. Oddly, the loudest racists hatched from simple nests or claim to be very God-loving.

Don’t you get it? It has nothing to do with being gay. All thoughts beyond this simple amendment of forgotten rights was no preminents to the funding fathers, for back then, gay men willingly were hiding behind marriage or silently accepted that the basic constitution would one day include a refined definition for all. In 2009 to fear that two men or two women could be a threat to the moral principles is silly. To voice silliness in this case is hateful; educated or not.

‘Marriage between a man and a woman’ is a sentence drafted and written by humans, not any God.

“I think you should have equal rights, but maybe – getting married is a bit extreme for some, you know what I mean…”

No. Well, I think I do. You are a racist – you know what I mean?

Enjoy a great summer, chef raphael

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